Parenting has it's challenges. The constant refereeing, repeating one's self, wondering if you are doing things correctly, saying things in the right way. It can get quite overwhelming if we dwell on the complexities of it all too much.
But on the other hand, you have the moments when you can't imagine your life without these other little beings. You wonder who you would be if it weren't for them, if they hadn't come into your life and changed you so completely.
I find myself in awe of my kids most days. The way these little people construct their sentences, the way their little faces distort into such raw emotion, flitting from surprise to fear to utter loss when another has picked up their lego creation or disturbed the arrangement of their plastic animals. I catch myself on the verge of laughter at times. Not laughter at them but out of astonishment over who they are and are becoming.
In particular, is Miriam.
Seven and a half months old and as sweet as pie. With sugar on top. She talks to me, you know. A jibber-jabber of da-das and ma-mas and ba-bas. I know what she's saying. She's saying, "Where are those big kids?" as we emerge from her room after her nap. She's saying, "Carry me around a little bit longer, Mama, please?" She nuzzles into my neck, hugs me and gives me open-mouth kisses on my cheeks and chin. She smacks her lips after nursing and helps me carry whatever else I'm carrying when she's on my hip. She stares into my eyes, looking at her reflection in them. She pants like a little puppy when she's happy or excited and squeals as I clap my hands before picking her up.
She is my joy. I am overwhelmed with love.
This is the kind of love I believe our heavenly Father has for each of us, only intensified beyond our comprehension. It almost makes me feel uncomfortable to imagine that someone could love me this much. It's the love a parent feels- unconditional, I'm-with-you-no-matter-what kind of love.
To imagine that God loves my children even more than I will ever be capable of understanding just blows me away.
And makes me so very happy.