Giving of Ourselves: Nena

There is SO much about this story that I love- women working side by side, women lifting each other up, recycling, repurposing, and their beautiful handiwork puts the icing on the cake!

Let me introduce you to an inspiring woman named Nena. Nena is a reader of this blog who lovingly shared her story with me and now I want her to share it with you.  Here she is....

I was born and raised in Greece, graduating from Katerini High School. I moved to Boston, Massachusetts where I graduated from Emmanuel College with B.A in French Literature. I also attended Boston College where I did graduate studies in French Literature and University of Massachusetts, Boston where I completed a masters degree in ESL. I was a Boston Public School teacher for twenty one years and traveled in the United States which I love so much. 

Nena and her husband

Thirty years after living in Boston I moved back to Greece with my husband to help the area where we were born and raised. We got involved with economic and educational development projects. 

Living here I noticed how high the unemployment rate is for women and I decided to help single moms and unemployed women to create products they love to make and market them so they can help their families financially.My goal is to empower these women to feel confident about themselves and their products.

Nena's lovely sister

One of these women happens to be my unemployed sister. She had a very difficult time accepting her new condition and she was so stressed out that she became ill for some time. Through the company of some other women, getting together with them, she decided to use her creativity in a new way and began producing rugs and small bags out of discarded fabric and old clothes.The more her creativity increased the better she felt and her health improved tremendously. Her products became gifts for friends and their friends. When I saw the interest for her creations I developed a website where people can browse and enjoy her work as well as getting products for themselves. Creative people who like to hand make their own rugs are welcomed to follow the video where they can reproduce step by step the whole process.  I also include a blog where I post the latest news from Katerini. Greece.

Okay, friends.  Jane here again.  I can't wait for you to see more of what these women create.  AND, before the idea of purchasing items from Greece scares you off because of potential shipping costs, know that the prices on their website INCLUDE shipping to the U.S. and are beyond reasonable.  Click here to go visit.

Nena graciously sent me a few samples of their work as a gift.  I was so thrilled with their products that I placed an order of items to give away as gifts and I was equally pleased with the quality of what I purchased.  Below are some of these items and others are on their website.

Being the amazing readers that you are, I welcome you to shop from these beautiful women and leave them words of blessing and encouragement in the comments below.

Thank you, Nena, for introducing us to yourself, your friends and your beautiful products!

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Our Foster Care Journey {Thus Far}

Awhile back I promised to share how this journey began.

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While I sometimes feel a little anxious and overwhelmed at my job (running a household and parenting and homeschooling three children), over the years I've often felt that I have space for another.  I have room for one more child in our house- not physical room (although physical space has been made) but emotional room, love room.

If you've been here awhile you know I experience a sense that there is a fourth child somewhere who's under my charge...but we're done growing babies inside me.  This persistent feeling, lots of prayer, lots of thought, and lots of anxious and excited tears lead us to take foster care classes last fall.  The classes were eye-opening, as you can imagine, but instead of feeling overwhelmed, Jamey and I both felt more at peace with our steps forward.

The classes finished. We filled out all the paperwork.  The home study was completed and we were approved.  We bought and borrowed all the necessary baby items we would need.  The nursery was made ready- complete with diapers, formula, baby clothes and a mobile.  I sat in that nursery and prayed and cried for the baby that would be our first placement- heartbroken for him or her because of what they would go through in their home to be placed in ours.  I would cry {out of love} for this infant that we would have the privilege to nurture and care for. I prayed about the contact and possible relationship that could be formed with the parents as we worked with them toward reunification. And every time the phone rang we wondered, "Could this be about a baby?"

We have yet to have a placement...a year later.

We know God is at work.  We believe that wholeheartedly.  But I can't help but wonder from time to time if we read the signs wrong.  We had felt lead- nudged in this direction for years.  This was no impulsive decision on our part.  I admit, there are times in the midst of a crazy day when the kids aren't listening and my to-do list is a mile long that I wonder if I could handle another child (an infant, at that).  But as soon as that doubt surfaces, another stronger sense bubbles up that, yes, I could and would do it because God would and does give me strength every day to do what needs to be done.

The reason we haven't had a placement is in part because we're not open to adoption at this time.  The agency has actually apologized to us about this (which they didn't need to).  When a baby comes into care, the couples that are open to adopting a baby are considered first just in case that baby needs an adoptive family at some point.  This makes perfect sense- less transition for baby and a baby for a couple who can't have their own children or know they want to add another to their family permanently.  This is the way it should be and we harbor no ill feelings about the process or why it is the way it is.  Granted, we're still curious as to how and when God will use us, but we understand the lack of placement.

Since a placement seemed unlikely anytime soon, we decided to make ourselves available to another agency in town that works with families in need of help.  Over the past 6 months, we've had the privilege to watch and care for a little boy off and on when his mother needs child care/respite.  It's not what we envisioned when we first signed up for foster care classes but we trust that we were trained and prepared for a reason- for this little boy and for other future respite situations and maybe even foster care one day.  He is an absolute delight, by the way, and our whole family loves him.

Putting ourselves out there, saying that we're willing to give of ourselves in this way feels incredibly vulnerable.  I must admit, it's scary at times to think about.  There are days when my heart longs for a baby in need to love and care for.  It's easier to bear now because I feel we've been obedient to the call.  It's now up to God's perfect timing.  We've turned it over to Him.  In the midst of waiting, we are thankful that we have another week, month, or even year with our own little family.

We have room in our hearts and home.  Our prayer is that God will use us to show His supernatural love to children and their families so that He will be glorified.

Our journey is far from over.  We can't wait to see how God will use us next. Pin It

An Opportunity to Give and Receive

About a year and a half ago I met an amazing sister.  Bethany is one of those dear, sweet people that you instantly feel somehow related to.  Her warmth and creativity cause you to look forward to getting to know her better.  And you are not disappointed when you do.

Bethany and her husband have begun an incredible journey for the Lord.  In an effort to raise support, she invited friends and family to purchase some blank cards depicting some of her amazing paintings.  I couldn't keep these to myself.  I wanted to share them with you AND share the opportunity to give in this very special way (while receiving beautiful pieces of artwork in the form of note cards in the meantime)!

I offer to you her work.  Below you will find details about their upcoming service and on how to purchase these incredible cards.

 "Let All Creation Dance" Detail of Bird

 "Thai Mandala with Four Living Creatures"

"Let All Creation Dance"

 "Sentient"

"Thai Dove"

"Let All Creation Dance" Detail of Tree

Bethany and her husband, Stephen, are beginning a time of cross-cultural Christian service in Bangkok, Thailand. While they will spend most of the first two years in language study, the long term vision is for a team of people with different gifts to be involved in missional engagement in the city. The vision for Bangkok responds to two challenges:

1) Young people move from poor rural provinces to Bangkok for work, fragmenting families and undermining the discipleship efforts of the fledgling Christian church. Like any other city, the idols of the city of Bangkok are status, money and sex. The door is wide open for workers to befriend these seeking young adults and invite them into a truly fulfilling relationship with Jesus.

2) The Bangkok Refugee Center connects with an isolated and disadvantaged population of refugees in Bangkok, but it needs more volunteers to respond to the need. The door is wide open for workers to volunteer in the refugee center as nurses, social workers, and teachers, reaching out with Christ’s love at a time of crisis for these refugees.

Steve and Bethany's vision is to befriend and invite young adults into the life of discipleship as they learn to live out what it means to be disciples themselves by reaching out with Christ's love in holistic missional service to refugees. In this way, they hope to nurture next generation leaders and help the church in Thailand live more fully into missional engagement in the city of Bangkok. 

To Purchase Cards:

Bethany, a visual artist, has created a selection of blank multi-purpose note cards featuring her artwork. All the cards come with envelopes and are compatible with standard US postal sizes for first class mail. A pack of 5 is $15.00 and a pack of 25 is $50.00. To submit your order, email me (Jane) at thyhand123@gmail.com.  Please identify which of the six images you would like and the number of cards (5 or 25) and we will respond with instructions for payment.  Please submit your order by September 30th! 

Thank you for helping support our dear friends!

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"Keep Smiling, Eddie!"

I know I said I wouldn't be writing this month (and I'm technically not).  It's just that there are two things that I wanted you all to know about and they couldn't wait.

I want to introduce you to an opportunity that I had never heard of before.  When I heard more about it and saw how it impacted a family we know, I had to ask them to share their experience with you.  If you have questions, feel free to leave them in the comments below. 

Jane asked if we would share about our month with a special boy named Eddie. Eddie came to us from an orphanage in the Ukraine on June 28 through a ministry called “Love Cradle International”, based in Souderton, PA. This ministry serves orphans in Ukraine, and also runs a hosting program which brings orphans to America to live with host families, with the purpose of placing them in a loving family, to show them the love of God, and to teach them about relationships and the American culture. While adoption is not the goal, several adoptions have come out of this program. In fact, 4 families from our group are now working through the process to adopt the child they had hosted and fallen in love with.

 

Eddie's orphanage photo

After months of paperwork and clearances, Eddie was placed into our home and we quickly grew to love this 11 year old boy. When we met him he was exhausted from the journey, dirty, silent, and stoic. It was late and we ushered him through a quick house tour and a shower and tucked him into bed in our son's room. When he came downstairs in the morning, we met a boy who was curious, helpful, kind, eager to learn our culture and the English language, and eager to teach us Russian. My husband and I had prepared ourselves with some basic Russian (Pimsleur language courses are a great way to learn a language, by the way) and we had fun trying out each other's language. Eddie knew about 10 words of English, but that didn't keep he and our 3 children from communicating and playing together. He was introduced to basketball, baseball, riding a bike, jumping on a trampoline, helping with chores, playing games with our neighbor kids, bowling, and so much more. Within a short time he was smiling and laughing and that continued throughout the whole month. We became Mama & Papa to him, and eventually Mom & Dad. By day two he had hugs for us frequently and was warm and affectionate. He enjoyed devotional times together with Mama or Papa and laughed when Papa tried reading his Bible in Russian.

 Our family- Eddie is in the striped shirt.

Every day we were teaching him new things that most of us took for granted. We found out that in the orphanages, he only got a shower every 15 days (can you imagine!?) They wash their own socks and underwear in that shower and no one uses towels. The toilets are a hole in the floor and no paper is allowed in it. Tooth brushing was not important (He had 6 cavities at his check-up). So you can imagine some of the “retraining” that had to be done! We had to teach him to use a seatbelt, wear a helmet for riding a bike, to be careful around the stove & vehicles, and to respect privacy of family and neighbors. We were told to expect hoarding of food and begging for “stuff” (neither of which we experienced, thankfully). In fact, at Eddie's first dentist appointment he chose a prize from the treasure box. When we got home, he raced up the stairs and knocked on my daughter's door and gave his treasure to her for her birthday that day. She didn't want to accept it, because she has so much—and he who has nothing, gave her his treasure. But I urged her with a look to please take it. He found more pleasure in being able to give something to someone else. That's not something he was often able to do. Our family learned a lot from Eddie this month!

He participated in events with the other 15 Ukrainian boys and girls about 10 times throughout the month. He enjoyed these times, but it became apparent that he just wanted to stay home with us. He also got carsick, so he didn't look forward to driving a half hour to Souderton and then on to their activities. But he was a good sport about it! He was obviously adjusting well and learning English faster at home than in his class, so we only went to a few activities, even though they were offered daily. Swimming was an absolute favorite-- “Eddie Champion!” Well, that and pierogies and watermelon! He ate almost everything I put in front of him. He loved one-on-one time with Mama or Papa—especially helping in the kitchen. “Eddie surprise” he would say when he presented cupcakes that he made for dessert that night.

Just two nights before he left we surprised Eddie with an “Almost 12” birthday party! He loved his cake, balloons, and presents from his new neighbor friends. Birthdays are just an ordinary day in the orphanage, so this meant a lot to him.

The relationship doesn't stop here. We have committed to staying in touch through letters and packages throughout the year. I wish it could be more than that, but so far, email and phone calls have not been established. It is our hope that next summer he can join our family again if he chooses to. Our greatest hope is that Eddie continues to smile and remember the joy and the love that he experienced here. Saying good-bye was SO hard. There were many tears. We want him to remember that he has a family who loves him, and misses him. But most of all, that he has a heavenly Father who loves him and will NOT fail him.

We came to know this program by the director couple who visited our church and shared about the overwhelming number of orphans in Ukraine. Eddie came from an orphanage/boarding school of almost 400 children. There are about 100,000 orphans in state run orphanages in the Ukraine, and 143 million around the world. At age 16, Ukrainian orphans age-out of the orphanage system and are sent into society alone and unprepared for life. 90% of the orphans enter into the sex trade, become criminals, develop mental disabilities and addictions, or commit suicide. We realized quickly that we couldn't let this opportunity to bring the mission field into our home pass us by. We are called to care for orphans and why not?!--We have so much, and the sacrifice was so little in comparison. I pray that Eddie's visit with us will make a difference in his life. I know that he has made a difference in our lives.

Eddie and Mama

**Hosting is just a small part of what Love Cradle does. They are in the process of building a transition house for children who are no longer eligible to stay in the orphanages. They provide winter coats, shoes, blankets, and clothing to hundreds of children. They assist families with adoption and other legal issues. They seek foster families for aged-out orphans, and they send out mission teams who provide hands on care to the orphan children.  If you would like to find out more about this program, please visit www.lovecradleint.org.

If you are not in the PA area, there are other organizations similar to Cradle of Love that offer hosting programs as well. If you feel a tug in the corner of your heart—check it out!!

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Despite the Mess

Sometimes giving of ourselves or even considering giving of ourselves in a new way makes me seize up and want to turn and run the other direction.  It's not as easy as others make it appear.  It takes energy (both physical and emotional).  It takes sacrifice (of time and resources).  Sometimes rendering your life drastically altered.

Most of all, it takes Spirit-protected skin to withstand the world's constant stream of messages that say, "What about you?  You deserve an easy life.  You do other things.  Don't overdo it.  You need to put yourself first in order to be good for anyone else."

I'm pretty sure someone else called us to be last.

"Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.'" Mark 9:35

I appreciate so much the way Lisa Qualls, wrote about it (here),

"When we love people, we invite their brokenness and mess into our lives. Mess is inconvenient; it takes our time, energy, and sometimes money to make it better. Despite our efforts, the mess cannot always be fully contained. It spills over and touches the people who dare to stand near."

 

Let's be those who are standing near, despite the mess.

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Giving of Ourselves Interview: Ashleigh

I love this series.  I know I've said it before, but I can't help it.  I believe God delights in us when our thanksgiving and praise bubbles over and out and we can no longer sit still and go about our daily life without purpose in this world.

I met Ashleigh through blogging and learned that she started out like many of us- a woman with a career path all laid out before her.  She decided on a different path and has found a way to add increased purpose to her precious life.  I'm going to be quiet now and let her tell you the rest.

Thank you, Ashleigh, for sharing your story with us. 

Tell us your story (a little about yourself, your family, and how you spend your time).

I am a 25-year-old wife, full-time mom, praise and worship leader, and jewelry designer. I’ve been married to my wonderful husband, Bill, for 5 years. My son, Liam, is 18 months old and the most amazing gift I’ve ever received. I am extremely passionate about worshiping God and leading others into His presence. 


Long before Liam came along Bill and I decided that when we had children I would leave the corporate world and stay at home. Just two years into my career I had Liam. My decision to walk away from the job was shocking to some; they simply could not understand why I would throw such a promising future away. There was no changing my mind - raising Liam full-time was something I had dreamed about since I was a little girl.

  
Once I made it to this “dream world” I had always hoped for I realized that in between the kisses, giggles, and moments of pure bliss there were also moments of being completely bored mentally. I needed to think about something, solve a problem, fix something for someone, something, anything to get my mind working again. And trust me dishes and laundry weren’t cutting it!


How and why did you begin making jewelry?

Oh and then there was also that part about our income dropping significantly. The income dive didn’t affect our bare living expenses, however, in the past if I wanted to help someone in need financially I had the freedom to do it. I could put extra money into the offering when a missionary came to town or if there was a need. I didn’t have the money to do this anymore and that was a tough thought for me. I didn’t want to leave Liam so I had to figure out something I could do from home. 


I had started making jewelry here and there a few years before Liam was born. It really was my favorite way to relieve stress and just escape from the pressures of life. So I picked up my tools again and started creating. It was a great fit – Liam napped a couple times a day and I would make jewelry.  The more I made the more people seemed to want it. Friends and family started encouraging me to start selling my work. 

What made you decide to donate all of the proceeds from your sales?

About the same time, my husband was going on a mission’s trip to an orphanage in Mexico. We had visited the same orphanage a couple years prior, but I wasn’t able to go because Liam was so young. I wanted to help in some way. I knew that these kids had nothing in comparison to what I had. I decided I would donate whatever money I made from selling jewelry.

I started out with a small table in the back of a women’s conference. I sold most of what I had and that got me pretty excited. I realized that there was something I could do to help others even though I wasn’t working outside my home. Now, I sell on etsy (Sela Designs), through my Facebook page, and in-home shows. The best part is that I can donate 100% of my profit to missions.


What charities do you support and how do you decide which charities to donate to?

I currently support Eagles’ Nest Orphanage in Soto La Marina, MX (www.wileyministries.org). Choosing to support this ministry was very easy for me because I have been there. I have played with the children and know that every penny sent there is used wisely. I also know the missionaries, how faithful they are to God, and their vision is to help people who are hurting. Currently, this is the only mission I support but I cannot wait to add more and more to the list.  

What role did your faith play in your decision to give away all your profits?

Being a Christian has everything to do with who I am and why I give. Anything good in me is only because of who God is through me and what He has done for me. I believe that loving God means loving people, not just in word but also in deed. The Bible says that the world will know that we are Christians by our love for one another and by our fruit. I want the world to see that I serve a loving, gracious, and generous God.


How has this giving affected you?

I come from a family of givers; I’ve never known anything else. Giving is a joy. It’s exciting to be able to give and bless others. I think there is a freedom that comes into your life when you learn to give because the truth is that it’s all God’s anyway we are only stewards. Money is a tool to reach the lost. 


What would you like to say to someone who is considering doing something similar?

Go for it! Make a decision and don’t turn back! It’s amazing to see what God can do when we open our hands and give. The Bible says “Give and it shall be given unto you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over.” That’s exciting because then you’ll have more to give. Be faithful with little and you will be given much!

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To learn more about Eagle's Nest Orphanage including how you can support them and view their needs list, go here.

To read previous Giving of Ourselves Interviews, click here and scroll down for links.

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Giving of Ourselves Interview: Zoë

Do you all know Zoë yet?  Well, you should.  Zoë has a wonderful blog full of amazing recipes called Whole Eats &Whole Treats.  I've gotten to know Zoë over the past couple years through blogging and when I heard about some changes she was making in how she runs her delicious Etsy shop, Zoëdawn, I knew I wanted to interview her for this series.

Thank you, Zoë, for answering my questions.  You are a dear and I am honored to know you. 

Please tell us your story (a little about yourself, your family, and how you spend your time).
Boy, this interview started out tough. I really dislike telling people about myself. Feels like I'm writing an ad...trying to sell myself, you know? But I'm not. I want to stay right here in my big old house with my two kids and my handsome husband. So here I go: I'm your average mom and wife. There is nothing special about me. Anything I do, you can do too. I cook and I'm messy when I do it. I have a garden with an abundance of weeds. I sew (my latest project got thrown in the trash it was that bad). I clean (sometimes). I grind wheat and flour flies to the ceiling. I laugh with my kids (but I get angry with them, too). I wash dishes (and break dishes). I have house plants, which I forget to water. In a word, I'm normal.

My husband, he works on the farm with his brother and dad. We have cows. Lots of them. Brad manages our employees, does field work, breeds the cows, fixes things, and in general, works very hard for our family. I'm grateful for him every single day. I think I need to tell him that more often.

The children? Well, right now they are fighting over a toy. It's getting awfully noisy over in the corner. But I'm going to ignore them and keep talking to you guys. So, the oldest is three. She loves to color as well as boss her little brother around. He's 1. They both like to help in the kitchen, which makes for even more messes. They like to take toys from each other and scream. But at the end of the day, they wave goodnight to each other. Adorable.

 pink and blue patchwork hot pads

How and why did you initially open an Etsy shop and what do you sell?

You know, I'm not sure how I heard about Etsy in the first place, but a little over a year ago I decided I ought to open up a shop and try to sell some of the extra sets of hot pads and cloth bags I had whipped up in the sewing room. They didn't really sell. So I started creating whole grain baking mixes. They went much better.

whole wheat blueberry buckle mix

I guess I opened up my shop because I liked the idea of having some extra cash around. And it made me feel like I was helping Brad, contributing to our finances in that way. Because really, what stay-at-home mom doesn't sometimes feel like her life is pointless? I'm not saying I don't know the benefits of parenting, but for some reason, making money made me feel useful in a quick way. Raising children is tough, often intangible work. All the disciplining, wiping dirty mouths, and changing diapers really does wear on you. Selling things on Etsy gave me more immediate results. I could post something and someone would buy it. That's money in my bank account. Woohoo. But...

black and white handbag

What made you decide to donate all of the proceeds from your sales to MCC and what is MCC?

...here is where I realized I was wrong. My children are my job (and it's difficult but rewarding!) and we really don't need extra cash. We have PLENTY. More than enough. But I still enjoy sewing and cooking so I didn't want to give up my Etsy shop. Inspired by two blog posts I read (MamasMinutia and ThyHandHathProvided), I decided to donate all of the proceeds from the sales of my Etsy items to Mennonite Central Committee. MCC is, well, here, I'll let them explain:

"Mennonite Central Committee (MCC), a worldwide ministry of Anabaptist churches, shares God's love and compassion for all in the name of Christ by responding to basic human needs and working for peace and justice. MCC envisions communities worldwide in right relationship with God, one another and creation."

You can read more about them by clicking the link above. I think they are a wonderful organization. As Thy Hand put it in one of her blog posts (I can't remember which one), it's important not only to give money, time, and objects, but to give those things along with the love of Jesus Christ. Things are momentary but Christ's love is forever. And MCC does just that. So in my little stay-at-home mom way, I'm going to help them. I can't be volunteering for hours at thrift stores (1-year-olds don't have an appreciation for that sort of thing) and the cows keep our family stuck on the farm, which means I can't serve as a missionary in Timbuktu, so giving of money is a good way for me to help at this point in my life. Was that a run-on sentence? Sorry.  (Keep in mind, I'm not saying all mission work has to be done abroad...there are plenty of local people who need to hear of Christ's love and would greatly appreciate a full stomach. MCC just happens to be the venue I'm sending my money to and they do a lot of their work in other countries.)

What role did your faith play in your decision to give away your profits?

I believe Christ came to love everyone. So it's my duty, as a Christian, to help show that love to as many people as I can with the resources I have. I have the ability to sew and cook. I need to use those abilities to help others. Since hot pads and baking mixes don't really help much in eradicating hunger and telling of God's love all over the world, selling them is a way I can get the resources that DO help those people, and that's money. I can give money. Money that will feed and clothe people. Money that will tell the love of Jesus Christ through all the work that MCC does.

whole grain coconut date bar mix

How has this decision affected you?

Hmm, I don't know. I had that warm fuzzy feeling when I wrote on all my Etsy posts that I'll be donating the proceeds to MCC. Does that count? And I know that God wants me to do this. Even though I haven't actually sold anything since making this decision, I am so excited to see how much I can contribute to MCC. Who wants to be the first to help me do that?!?

What would you like to say to someone who is considering doing something similar?

Pray about it. Do it! Really, you can't go wrong. God will bless you.

All photographs courtesy of Zoëdawn.

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Giving of Ourselves Interview: Jennifer Jo

I am loving this series.  I will admit, I am interviewing women who have given of themselves in ways I have personally considered/am considering.  The first interviewee was Michelle who went to Belgium on a short-term mission trip.

Jennifer Jo is a dear friend of mine.  She's the one whose blog inspired me to start my own a couple years ago.  She's the dear friend who introduced me to roasted tomatoes, pesto torte and Indian Chicken.  Clearly, a dear friend.

This same Jennifer Jo consented to answering my questions about having been a foster parent.  All fostering stories are unique.  Her answers are honest and real.  Fostering is an incredible gift we can give to children who need a safe place during a trying time in their life.  As she alludes to below, folks considering fostering need to remember who they will be doing the fostering for- the child, of course.  This is important to remember because fostering is hard work.  Very hard work.

Thank you, dear, for taking time to answer my questions.


Tell us a little about yourself, your family, and how you spend your time.

Since it’s nearly impossible for me to compose a brief Who Do I Say That I Am statement, I’ll toss out a handful of adjectives and let you paint your own picture. I am—deep breath—energetic, creative, easily bored, busy, selfish, generous, loud, talkative, un-picky, opinionated, honest, high-strung, high-maintenance, fun, bossy, organized, discerning, irritable, and loyal. Though that anyone would want me stuck to their side after such a conflicted list, is beyond me.         

I’ve been married for 14 years, not to the man of my dreams (a rather ill thought-out and anemic man that phantom was) but to a hunk of a dreamboat who is just as riddled with imperfections as I am. Together, we dream of all sorts of things, none of which turns out perfectly. Bummer. 

We live in a renovated (thanks to the aforementioned dreamboat) house on five acres and rule over a small kingdom of chickens, a dog, a cat, and four children: Yo-Yo is 11, Miss Beccaboo is 9, Sweetsie is 6 and The Baby Nickel is 4. I (kinda, sorta, maybe) homeschool my subjects (er, kids), and while I claim to love doing it, and I’m not lying when I say that, most days you wouldn’t be able to tell.                                

I spend my days craving solitude and silence and rarely getting any.

A few more stats: I love coffee—it’s the reason I get up in the morning. I blog. I bake and cook. I’m learning to belly dance. I’m a Mennonite.  

How did you decide to open your home to a foster child?

I always wanted to be a foster parent—when I was in high school, I cut out newspaper ads for foster families and stuck them to the fridge in hopes of piquing Mom and Dad’s interest. (Which piqued a little too late—they became foster parents after I left home.)  If some kids needed a home and I had a good one, I figured we ought to share. Plus, there was an element of intrigue.   What could be more fascinating than taking hurting, needy children and helping them to heal and blossom? What a rush!   

Despite my dream of fostering, my husband and I didn’t sign on with an agency until I was pregnant with our fourth (and final) child, the first time in a decade of marriage that we felt grounded enough to finally open our home to foster children. At that point, fostering seemed a perfect outlet for my energies while still allowing me to stay at home with my kids. Seeing that I was already cooking and cleaning for a household of six, it would be fairly easy to incorporate another child into our lives. And the business side of fostering—meeting with social workers and therapists—could easily get done with my kids underfoot. 
                                          
What were your concerns about fostering and how did you move past them?

I was concerned that the foster child would dominate our lives, demand all my attention, and usurp my children’s position. I was worried that my children would be physically harmed by this venture—even though the agency assured us that they did not put sexual predators in homes with small children, my fear of sexual abuse still loomed large.

My husband and I tried to assuage our concerns by careful planning. We intentionally choose teenage girls so that there would be a large age difference between the foster girls and our oldest child (our then six-year-old son). This way the needs of the foster children wouldn’t be in direct competition with the needs of our young children. And as we were homeschooling and the foster child would attend public school, we hoped that the daytime separation would provide us with sufficient daily respite.

But no matter how much planning we did, we knew we were taking a risk.  We had to accept that risk in order to move forward. 

How did your faith contribute to your decision to foster?
 
To me, faithfulness means responding to the needs I see in the ways that I can. I was drawn to fostering because I knew it would challenge me to use my gifts and that I would grow through the experience.

How did you prepare yourselves and your family to welcome a foster child?

My husband and I went through extensive trainings, background checks, and home visits, but we were not prepared.

Please briefly describe the experience of fostering.
 
Fostering involved a lot of meetings. The red tape was a mile long. There were meetings with social workers, therapists, psychiatrists, and doctors. There were court dates, birth family appointments, police reports, parent teacher conferences, and continuing education classes. There were gas mileage logs and medication logs. 

We had two longer-term placements: the first girl lived with us for nearly a year and another for about six months. (There were also a couple short-term/respite kids sprinkled throughout.) While it’s a huge adjustment for any family to take in a foster child, I think our situation was a bit of an exception. Our first daughter came to us, via a social worker, directly from a highspeed car chase. She had a wicked attitude and the ability to manipulate any situation. Our agency told us later that she was the most difficult child they had ever had. And she was our first. Our home was rocked.

I loved puzzling out the best methods and approaches for parenting, but the daily demands of living with street-savvy children was exhausting. We were constantly on high alert, making sure the girls weren’t smoking in the house, swearing at our children under their breath, actually taking the ear/nose/belly stud out of the ear/nose/belly before going to school, etc. It was hard to have children in our home that we sometimes could not stand to be around. Many times I could not rustle up even one spark of goodwill to toss in their direction and simply got through by “minding my manners.” I eventually got so rundown that I hired my own therapist and went on antidepressants for a short time. 

What were some of the greatest challenges and rewards?
 
By far, the greatest challenge was the foster care system itself. The system is so concerned with liability issues that they are not fully able to trust the foster parents. There are good reasons for this, of course: the basic concept of fostering—putting difficult kids into the homes of strangers who may not, despite the trainings and home checks, have the capacity to parent in a healthy way—puts the foster children in a vulnerable position. However! When foster parents are in the throes of living with a very difficult child, it is imperative they have not only have the backing, but also the trust, of the broader system. Otherwise, the foster children are able to sense a disparity and play it to their advantage (and boy, can they every play!), thus weakening the entire system and, ultimately, hurting themselves.

The greatest reward of fostering was intrinsic. I knew I was doing good work. When you are handed a child who has been riddled with deficits and hurts, progress is easy to see. Just providing a nutritious diet and enforcing bedtimes makes a world of difference!

What would you say to someone who is considering giving of themselves through fostering?


*You and your spouse must have a unified front. Your relationship will be taxed, so it better be a strong one from the get-go.

*Self-awareness, creativity, perseverance, quick thinking, and a sense of humor are required.

*Take the needs of your children into consideration and re-evaluate them on a regular basis. Common wisdom says that the biological children should be older than the foster kids, but we bucked the system. While there were no long-term ill effects (that we’re yet aware of), it was undoubtedly hard for our children. Part of the reason we decided to close our file with the agency was because our children needed a relaxed and stress-free home. (The irony of this was not lost on us—providing safety for the foster children created an element chaos for our own, a lose-lose situation all around.) We may decide to foster again, but I’m fairly sure we won’t do it until our youngest is old enough to be older than the foster children. 

*Do not be ashamed to receive a monthly stipend.  In the beginning, I somehow felt that our monthly allowance cheapened our motives, but once we were in the throes of fostering, my paradigm rapidly shifted. Being a foster parent was a huge job. Thank goodness there was some financial compensation! The extra money allowed us to meet the girls’ physical needs without resentment, to pay for extra childcare so that I could get a break, and for my husband to take off work to watch our kids when there were daytime appointments and minor catastrophes.

*When picking a foster care agency to work with, choose carefully. We’ve heard better reports of private foster care agencies (as opposed to state-run). Private agencies tend to provide more financial and emotional support for foster families, and their social workers often have lighter case loads. The private agency that we worked for was full of good people who were trying to do their best in the midst of a flawed system.

*Be prepared to teach. You will need to educate not only your children, your friends, and the foster child, but also the social workers and therapists. While this is energizing, it is also exasperating. Much time was spent listening to young, childless social workers advise me, a mother of four, on the fine art of parenting. 

*Plan to resign your position and/or take breaks as needed. Fostering is not a very sustainable activity—the average length of time that families foster is two years. Even though we tried to do better, we found we were depressingly average, burning out right at the two-year mark. Be gentle with yourself.  

And there you have it, a brief summary of our foster care experience. I neither recommend it nor advise against it—too much depends on a person’s interests and abilities. I will say, however, that these past few days of rumination and writing have awoken my foster care bug. Heaven help us!  

All photos courtesy of Jennifer Jo.

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