Thursday, April 16, 2009

Letting Go

I'm almost 33 weeks pregnant and overall doing pretty well. For now. But, things will get hard over the next month or so. I can feel my body starting to give in areas I need it to hold together. I carry babies low. And no matter how I tried to get my stomach muscles to come back together and into shape between pregnancies, once I'm pregnant they travel east and west leaving no support front and center where baby lies.

You don't know how many times I've already been asked if I'm carrying twins or if I'm due any day now. According to the midwives, when I lay back on the table, my uterus is measuring exactly where it should be, but when I stand up, the baby falls forward due to the lack of said stomach muscle support, making me look very large.

Thankfully, I have not experienced back trouble (yet). The Belly bra I wear offers good support, but already I'm feeling the familiar ligament pain- pulling under the belly and off to the sides as I grow and stretch. By the end of my pregnancies, the pain makes it difficult to walk and I end up stranded on the couch for an hour or so a few times a day, breathing through the discomfort. Between the beginning glimmers of that and the normal easily-winded and tiredness that comes with third trimesters, I am being forced to slow down and let go.

The first thing to go was our yard work. We have an acre and a half- two thirds which require mowing. I usually mow the grass- happily. I love being outside, alone with my thoughts for a couple hours every week. But, in my current state, mowing is not an option. All the bouncing (we have a rather lumpy yard) would be enough to send me into early labor or cause me to pee all over myself and the roar of the old mower would likely cause the baby to go deaf. Jamey is too busy with school right now and will soon be too busy helping me with a new baby and managing a garden that is really too big for us to handle this year. So, we've hired my brother to take care of the yard work this summer. It feels good.

Second to go was the Baked Oatmeal and Strawberry Brunch Souffle. Really, they only take about 15 minutes to whip up 1-2 times a week, but the other week, I just couldn't bear one more task on my feet. We're back to buying cereal for awhile. The kids are thrilled- they usually only get cereal at their grandparent's houses. It feels strange, but also good.

Third to go: pie crusts. I used my last two homemade pie crusts for Easter pies. The thought of making more right now made my eyes tear-up. We're buying our pie crusts for awhile.

Fourth (and counting)...homemade cards. Usually, I make all the birthday, anniversary, etc. cards we send out during the year. For the next few months, store bought cards will be what's coming your way.

Ok, now. If you think I'm insane to normally do all this stuff, I understand. But, it's not due to an obsession with spending frugally (I have a serious problem buying books when there is a fine library 10 minutes away) or because I'm literally insane. I actually enjoy doing and making these things. I was almost an art major in college. These are my ways of staying creative during these years when pencil and chalk and paints exist only in kid version. Mowing the yard just so, baking, rolling out dough and making cards are forms of expression for me.

They are temporarily pushed to the back burner while my efforts are focused on feeding my children, keeping clean clothes in their drawers, reading books and doing school with Sam. Oh, yeah, and running to the bathroom every 15 minutes, experiencing the falling asleep of my rear end while doing dishes and groaning every time I roll over in bed at night.

Those are forms of creativity, too. God's creativity- knitting together life inside me and somehow managing to keep me knitted together enough to carry that life. Pin It


  1. Bless you, dearie. This too shall pass.

  2. It's so good that you are recognizing your limits at this time...and taking good care of yourself and your sweet baby.

    I appreciate you listing out your creative endeavors...I've been struggling with that lately. I, too, am an artist...and need to create...but feel the well has been very dry lately. But as my husband pointed blog and the photgraphs and the little silly things I do there ARE a form of creativity. And he was right.

    God has me in a quiet place. I'm not sure what's going on...or why...or what's next. But I'm doing my best just to TRUST Him. And in the meantime...I'll continue to take care of MY family...their laundry and meals and do my best to keep a (somewhat) clean home...tend to my chickens and the garden that's sprouting...and call it creativity.

    Have a beautiful day...thank you for sharing.

  3. very rad. yes RAD. i love the ways God slows us down. mentally and physically. best thing to do is just surrender.

  4. I think I'll make the Strawberry Brunch Souffle while you are taking a well deserved break. It looks delicious. Hope these last few weeks fly by for you.



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