Today I was going to post pictures of the garden and our starter pots and tell you what we've planted so far. I was going to tell you that soon after Easter we plan on getting a slew of chicks, both for meat and eggs. I was going to tell you that we've almost decided what we're doing with our lawn but haven't finalized our allowance plan yet (might as well wait until we actually have money to allot, right?). But, for some reason, I don't feel like talking about any of that right now.
I will tell you that the fact that we'll soon be earning money again (after a four year hiatus) feels pretty weird. Of course, it's a good thing. Jamey will have realized his goal of becoming a pharmacist in a little over a few months (there are some tests you have to take after graduation). Realizing a goal like that can be priceless particularly when it's meant taking your family on a four-year-adventure-without-income and making it. I am very proud of him.
This may sound weird, but it's not until we went without income for awhile and then all of a sudden have access to it again (we're not there quite yet) that we realize how big a decision deciding how to spend it is. It's kind of like when you get your first job and you get to decide how to spend your earnings. Or, after you get married and you have to re-decide, this time together, on how you'll spend your earnings. Or, when you start having children and you have to re-, re-decide how to spend your earnings. Change causes a person to reflect and we're heading into some major change.
I feel like (more than at any other time in my life) the heavy responsibility that comes with the gifts we've been granted. I don't want to fall into the pattern that I've lived before- taking our income for granted. Sure, I can say that we won't live much differently than when we didn't have a job...and I believe this very well may be the case...but those edges can get fuzzy, lines can be blurred and before long we could start drifting into a very different life.
This scares me to pieces.
More than anything, I want to be a good steward. I want to be responsible to the debt we owe. I want to constantly be reminded of all that we have (that we don't need) so I won't be tempted to add stuff just because we can. I want to share it. I'm dying to share it. I don't want to get sucked into the world's (my friends' or even my church's) ideas of what I should have or how I should live.
I want to discern God's heart and follow it.
I'm a planner. So, it's tempting to me to think that sitting down and writing out a plan will answer all our questions. Budgets are great. I am a BIG supporter of budgets. Call me Queen Budget, if you like. But, there is one thing that budgets can't tell you- they can't tell you what God might want to see happen with your money. If we tie our money up into tight little budgets, does the Spirit have room to move?
Let's just say that I feel on the cusp of change- good change and I just want to be thoughtful about it. And, maybe if there is no big change going on in your life right now, you could pretend there is and take a new look at what you've be given.
Only God knows how the Spirit might move.