Thursday, January 6, 2011

A Twinge of Dread

I have to be honest.  The night before we started back to school on January 3rd, after a two and a half week break, I was experiencing some dread.  There were 22 weeks of school left.  22!  For some reason each year, it seems to me that Christmas break falls in the middle of the school year.  But, it does not.  And I always forget this until I count up the number of school weeks left and am faced with the reality of it all.

So, what do I dread?  A couple things.  Just the occasional back-talk, refusal to do work, the painfully slow completion of work that leaves me sitting there thinking of all of the other things I could be doing.  I want it to be about me sometimes and homeschooling does not allow a whole lot of time for me.

I've had quite a bit of me time during the past few weeks.  Jamey has been home for winter break and even did school with Sam his last three days before his break and a couple days during his first week back.  I've had time to bake, reorganize closets, cabinets and entire rooms.  I put all our photos on the computer and even have them all made into photo books which are now sitting in Shutterfly-land waiting for me to have enough money to purchase them.  I even spent a couple hours one evening making some birthday cards with my neglected supplies.  See?  Lots of me time.  My me time may look different than yours.  I function better in an orderly world- it's my stress reliever- both the actual orderliness of the resulting world and the feeling of peace it brings me.  Sitting in a tub with bubble bath and candles would just make my eczema flare up.

Now we're back in school.  On Monday, Jamey is back on rotations.  It's just me, the kids, the schoolbooks, the laundry, the dirty dishes and the hungry mouths.  Oh, and yes, I cannot forget the kisses (Miriam still does not know how to kiss with a closed mouth), the smiles, the highly entertaining conversation, the bouts of laughter, the hugs and the occasional 'I get it!' moments in school.

Things will become cluttered and disorganized.  Photos will be taken and will live for a long time in my camera.  Homemade cards will run out and store bought ones will be sent.

And that's okay.

As much as an adjustment getting back into school can be, this is our life, our choice, a priority for us and I'm willing to sacrifice a little (and some days, an awful lot) of me and peace to live it. Pin It


  1. My feelings too! I love order. I love to organize. I love schedules. I love to home school but it some times feels like a sacrifice. Often an inconvenience, especially when my children do what they were made to do "create." As my mother-in-law (who home schooled all five of her children all the way through high school) once reminded me - "We are made in the image of God and God is a creator of immense interest and variety. Children are creators, too, sometimes too much so for our comfort or convenience."

    So I order and they create disorder but I feel at peace as we embark on this marvelous adventure. I like who my children are becoming and even more I am grateful for who I am becoming because of this experience.

  2. The stay-at-home mom (not even to go into the home-schooling-mom!) sacrifices A LOT of herself. Those (male or female) who have not done it HAVE NO IDEA. However, I personally feel it's the most important job you will ever do in your life. The decline of the American family started when the mother left home and children for employment elsewhere.

    P.S. Loved your line about sitting in a bubble bath with candles glowing making your eczema flare up. I feel the same way. Even adding a glass of wine wouldn't help. ;o)

  3. I could learn a lot about selflessness from you.

  4. Thank you! This sounds EXACTLY like my house!!! Here's to the rest of the school year!

  5. You are a good mom...and can I just be like everyone else and say...cherish the moments you have with them. It goes very fast. I was told this...and I realized it...but I didn't really get it until suddenly they no longer wanted to color with me...or play a game...or even come out of their rooms! They grow up fast...and you are doing the right thing in spending so much time with them. I wish I'd done the same...xoox

  6. What is the saying? Cleaning the house while the children are growing is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing... or something like that. You captured my feelings once again.

  7. Oh how I can relate.......but isn't it wonderful (and difficult all at the same time)?? Day by day...with the LORD...that's the ONLY way it can be done. All for HIS glory!

    Blessings to you!

  8. I highly recommend lots of naps and locking yourself in the bathroom daily for a 10 minutes break :)

  9. Oh, how I relate. I think I may have enjoyed our 2 week break TOO much! Ha!
    I do love the life we've chosen, and I really do love my teenage boys and 11 year old daughter, really!
    I got an amazing amount of projects done over our break like cleaning out the files, sewing, re-doing my cookbook and recipes, meal planning.
    But, we're back to school and there's no 'me' time----but somehow that's okay.

  10. A clean and organized house always makes me happy. However we live in such a small house right now...since we are overseas that it tends to get messy and need to be cleaned a lot more! :)

  11. I hear ya! This was our first week back. Boy I was dreading it a bit, too. But, it went fairly smoothly after we got past Monday;)

  12. Hey, a little me time, no matter what it is will keep you going for a long time.

    I'm presenting you with the Stylish Blogger Award. Stop by and pick it up!

    God Bless, Jana

  13. Great post. Thank you for posting. I sometimes feel like I'm the only one who feels like this. Thanks for reminding me to think about why we do this and reminding me that it's not about me.


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