Yesterday, while gathering some herbs outside, I almost came to tears. I love this time of year. The air is cooler but the sun is still warm. The sky is a crystal clear blue. The Mourning Cloak butterflies are almost everywhere I look. I can wear shorts and a sweatshirt. The garden is winding down and we fall into a school routine.
I think the reason I am so emotional about this season this year is that I completely missed it last year. Last year, everything I normally would have enjoyed at this point was hideously tainted by morning, noon, and night sickness. I couldn't enjoy the weather, the late harvests, the first few months of first grade with Sam. I was miserable and because of that, I am so much more thankful for this season, this late summer, this early fall.
I was outside gathering herbs because I did not want to forget to gather them. I went without freezing any last year because last year I couldn't have cared less. I also didn't freeze any chard like I had planned to last year because I couldn't have cared less. This year I care. This year I am loving this time of year and I don't want to miss a second of it.
Two short hours later...
I was almost in tears again. This time because a batch of rolls I had made for company coming the following day were over-baked, too over-baked to serve. This time because Sam and Sadie were fighting incessantly- they were bored, hungry, wanting to be entertained and I was in no mood to entertain.
Miriam was crying and I was trying to walk her to sleep but she couldn't fall asleep (who could?) with all the refereeing and scolding (okay, yelling) I was doing at the other two. This time because in the midst of all this I was imagining Jamey on his peaceful hour drive home from school as he sat, alone in his car, listening to music, enjoying the crystal clear blue sky.
Oh, the ups and downs of being at home...and being alive.